We sit on a sofa, scattered markers on our laps. The television blasts an episode of Breaking Bad. My brother, in his easy chair, works on his computer. The baby monitor broadcasts my niece’s sweet snores. My sister-in-law Gretchin and I doodle on paper with pens purchased at the craft store an hour before. Morning mail for Ellie. Gretchin has established a tradition, creating a mailbox for Ellie to receive doodles and letters from Mommy each morning. I prepare to join in. I draw my picture of my pugs – first, Alfie and then Waffles, leaving the important message: “Good Morning Ellie, Bee (her name for me) Loves You!” “Hi Ellie, Waffles and Alfie Love You!” She will find them when she awakens and crumple them in her toddler’s tiny hands. The images probably have a short half-life when a toddler’s concerned, but the message, I hope, lasts a lifetime: We love you Ellie. That is the message on which to end each day and begin another anew. It keeps us cuddled on the sofa well passed midnight, drafting these small testaments. Maybe we’ll remember to tell you about your mail someday or maybe we’ll forget – the memory mixing with so many others over time. The specifics won’t really matter, just the hope we plant here: May all your days end and begin with this much love.
Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, Ain’t No Valley Low Enough, Ain’t No Bulldozer Wide enough…well, maybe…
Those could have been the lyrics flowing through my mind today as I attempted to pick my niece Ellie up at daycare. A couple of days earlier I answered my sister-in-law Gretchin’s plea for a babysitter so she could participate in a conference call at work. I felt the weight of responsibility on my shoulders as I headed off to retrieve her from daycare and a secret sense of pride in learning not only had my sister-in-law called ahead to let the daycare know that I would be picking up my niece, but I discovered that I was already on the pre-approved list to do so – had been from the get-go, my sister-in-law told me. Obviously, I was a trusted and trustworthy person, and I was on a mission.
I arrived at my sister-in-law’s on time, switched cars so I would have the vehicle with the car seat, and headed off to the daycare that I had visited only once before. I was pretty sure I had a fairly decent idea of where it was located and Gretchin had given me the street address to plug in my GPS. I shouldn’t have any problem.
I followed the gentle voice of “Mother” my name for my disembodied GPS narrator, taking a left where instructed only to find myself face to face with three bulldozers, completely blocking the road. No problem, I thought, I’ll head back into town and circle around another way. Mind you, I had no idea that there was another way, but it seemed like there should be. There wasn’t. I found myself wandering the one-way roads of the village until I began to despair. I didn’t even know the name of the daycare and by now my sister-in-law was in her meeting! When I was a little girl, my mother was late getting back from an appointment and when I arrived home from school, she wasn’t there. I was little and scared, so I wandered across the street to the neighbor’s and knocked on the door.
“My mom isn’t home I told her,” as she ushered me inside. I barely took a foot over the threshold when I realized things weren’t right. I had entered a prehistoric jungle. Draped on sofas and chairs, hanging from the ceiling and crawling on the floor were gigantic lizards. I was terrified! Years later, when I was older, I learned these were iguanas and that the neighbor raised and sold them, but then as a first-grader I was convinced I had stumbled into a monster’s lair. Was Ellie in for such a life-scaring experience if I didn’t arrive in time?
I wanted to phone Gretchin and at least find out the daycare’s name, but realized she was on her conference call by this time. Then I thought of my brother, Mark, Ellie’s dad. I dialed him at work, explaining that I wasn’t sure where the daycare was and remained on the phone as he guided me to the exact bulldozer-blocked location that “Mother” had taken me only minutes before.
“I can’t get there!” I exclaimed, but the phone had disconnected and suddenly was spouting some nonsense to me in Spanish. I tried calling Mark back only to end up stuck on some strange menu on my phone. (Let’s just say I haven’t gotten use to iOS7 yet). Mark rang me back and explained that if I was to get my niece I would have to find a way through the bulldozers. I took a deep breath, rolled down my window, stuck my head out and yelled at one of the construction workers. “I need to get my niece at school!” I said.
“School’s down that way in the village,” he answered.
“No, daycare!”
Understanding dawned on his face as he motioned one of the bulldozers out of the way and revealed the Grand Canyon of holes in the road. It seemed they had removed a portion of the sidewalk and for me to get to my niece I had to slowly, ever so slowly, they warned me, drive down the abyss and climb up the other side.
If I wanted to balk I couldn’t, I was on the pre-approved list after all and I could not let Ellie fall prey to whatever the modern-day equivalent of a house full of iguanas might be, so I shut my eyes, slowly pressed on the gas and made the crossing. I survived, but as I drove forward I realized the road reached a dead end and I had yet to find the daycare.
After another call to my brother I realized I was supposed to take a right, but I didn’t see a right. I drove back meeting the bulldozers again when it became apparent that the bulldozer that had moved out of the way to let me through was now blocking the driveway to the daycare. Again, I motioned to the construction worker, who in turn signaled to the bulldozer to get out of my way.
As it did, the daycare came into view. I swear I saw a heavenly glow around it. A few minutes and a flash of my official ID later, I was given custody of my niece, who viewed the big machines -- that once again had to move out of our way to let us exit -- with glee.
“Ohh, trucks,” she said.
After a visit to the malt shop, park, several stores, the Famers’ Market, a toy store, and another park, my niece returned home more impressed by our fun-filled day than my gallant rescue attempt. My sister-in-law was equally impressed with the peaceful afternoon. None of them seemed as fazed about my tale of rescue as I was, but I knew that Gretchin had done right by putting her trust in me. I was the woman for the job. When it came to getting my niece, nothing and I mean nothing, could keep me away from her!
Test
Husk Poetry
I began walking the boulevard near my home earlier this summer -- a three mile stretch that takes me from paved, rural suburbia to dirt roads, farmhouses, cornfield, pavement and our small downtown. Because I'm not the type of person who likes doing only one thing at a time, I took lots of photos with my iphone to pass the time. I became enamored with the large field of corn that almost stretched for a mile of the walk. Since it has stayed there unplucked I assume it is cow corn so I have had the chance to witness and write about its lifespan. While I turned these posts into poetry, I found the images equally as moving -- the way the silk changed from blush to withered brown, the growth from lean, slim bodies to plump overripened ears that burst forth from their husks. I loved to watch the husks sway in the wind and whisper to each other and sit soaking in the later heat. I watched as the ears leaned toward each other and eventually entwined. It was uniquely moving even without putting words to the actions, just watching and bearing witness to nature's own story. I have posted what I have written including links to earlier pieces on the blog already, but thought I'd gather them here again in one place.
Part 1 (Walk 8/9/13; Published 8/10/13): Husks
Part 2 (Walk 8/9/13; Published 8/11/13): Blondes
Part 3 (Walk 8/27/13; Published 8/27/13): Husks II
Part 4 (Walk 9/3/13; Published 9/24/13): Sleepy, Sun-Soaked Days
Part 5 (Walk 9/22/13; Published 9/24/13) : Husked
Husked
I pass by the silent field at sunset
after the concert has ended and cold blue light
has filled the empty spaces
where head-bangers danced.
I see the forms stacked atop each other
soldiers on a war-torn battlefield
These are the homeless, drunk and bloodied
On life's disappointments.
They stayed too long at the party
Stewed on their own regrets
Baked on unfulfilled dreams.
They swelled, then burst with
unrealized potential and unwarranted pride
They drank too much of promise.
Bald, disrobed, neglected of sun's embace
They bask in the shadows
These former long-haired redheads
Who once defined youth and spontaneity
Laid out on the barren field.
"Get up," I want to shout at them
"Rock on,"
But when they stir
They simply cling to each other
Even wasted they lean in
Sharing their one hard-earned truth.
Neither dancing nor howling matter
In a life that's been husked
Only love remains.
Sleepy, sun-soaked days...
In these sleepy, sun-soaked days, life begins to slumber
and wither.
Bodies seek comfort in each other
Lives once bold and hungry for sex and song, promise and power
that too soon grew fat and lazy, begin to dream again.
Small, sleepy dreams sized to fit in their shriveled forms.
They sleep on porches, resting their heavy heads on each other's knees
like weary, obedient dogs.
Their limp hair intertwines like the gnarled fingers of ancient lovers
who have all but become one.
In these sleepy, sun-soaked dog days when life begins to slumber
The clock ticks
the air too heavy for sound to travel far
the young gather to sit amidst the old and bear witness.
Dry lips croak unsaid sentiments
These are the quiet days
Of tender blessings
When time and touch
are dreams enough.
Let these dog-tired forms find comfort in each other.
Let parched lips brush the hallowed cheeks of spent lovers.
Let the sun's hot, sweet breath
make them plump again.
Rekindled desire spooning with grace.
Pug Social Here We Come!
I went to Petsmart yesterday to return the Bert and Ernie costumes I had purchased for Alfie and Waffles to wear to the upcoming Pug Social. Waffle's Bert costume was too small and Alfie's Ernie costume too big, but I was fortunate enough to find replacements. You will have to tune in tomorrow to discover what characters I chose. While we were shopping I spied a couple with their black pug Mia, very busy trying to fit her in a costume of their own. Pugs are not easy to shop for. They are broad of chest, but often slim at the waist -- toy dogs but never tiny. These two were in the store for quite some time. I had a chance to chat with them and snap Mia's picture. I learned her name and that she was a Green Mountain Pug Rescuee. She and her family will be at the Social tomorrow as will me and my two girls. Come back to see all the photos and hear about the fun! We are planning to enter the costume contest, pug races and much more!
Fall
Animal Love
Joan leaned against the gray chicken’s cage, cooing quiet comfort to the interested bird. As the bird grew closer to her, I reminder her of the time the llama had spit in her face because she had overstepped the boundaries and suggested if she wasn’t careful we might be rescheduling her upcoming eye appointment from November to an emergency room visit. She backed away, but not before clucking one last “sweet nothing” to her new-found friend.
That’s what going to the fair with Joan is like. You can’t really talk about animal love without bringing up her name. For me the two have become synonymous. Not everyone would live the way my friend does. A former concert pianist, Joan has let her house go to the dogs literally, having one in every corner of the house and many more on her bed at night, where the climb upon her hip, curve into the crook of her neck and the small of her back and on top her head, making it impossible to turn.
Also a former nurse – she’s had many careers – she helps her animals through to the end of their days, nursing them when others would choose to give up. Before I met her and in the beginning, I was sure I knew what it meant to love an animal – limited numbers, vet care, a peaceful goodbye when the pain gets too bad – and, there’s wisdom in that, but now that I’ve known Joan I’m no longer as sure my way is the only way. I have been with her when dogs passed on car rides to pug socials and while I would have rushed them to a medical end, she has wrapped them in towels and blankets, placed her palm on their brow and sat with them until their labored breathing ceased. As I look at her with blind, failing Ghanny and see the deep affection pass between them, I wonder once again, is it the worse thing to die where you have lived – in Joan’s bed or in the car where you rode as a pup, head hanging from the window? If you could talk would you choose the comfort of that palm and the familiar smells around you to a doctor’s needle?
But, this story is not about death. It’s about life, with Joan it always is and that’s why my beliefs expand. I see the life all around her and the love pouring out of her. She can’t pass a dog, donkey, chicken, goat or frog without stopping to caress and chat with it. For a while, she volunteered, helping during rainstorms to move frogs safely off the roads. She had a pet toad that hung outside her door and she would occasionally have to save from the pugs. She once brought it inside and placed it on the bed beside a litter of puppies, so I could take pictures of them both. The toad was bigger than they were. She has even been known to leave spider webs up in her home so as not to disturb the creatures.
But what I love most is seeing the immense and simple joy these animals bring Joan each time she meets a new one. Her face lights up, her blue eyes literally twinkle, she puckers her lips and begins chattering away. The story goes that she received her first pug from Prime Minister Clement Attlee after she burst in on a meeting he was having with her husband. She had just been outside Harrods in London and saw her first pug on the street. She ran into the meeting breathless, exclaiming, “you wouldn’t believe what I saw and describing in detail the little fawn pug on the street.” Shortly after she returned home to the United States to be greeted by Attlee’s gift of her own fawn male, Harrods Bugle Boy, who came with a mile-long pedigree that unrolled like a scroll.
When I see Joan interact with an animal, she experiences pure, unadulterated glee and being witness to it, I feel a little bit rub off on me. Joan’s unconventionality, her child-like joy reminds me to open myself up to wonder, to crow with the chickens and howl with the dogs. She may not be right about everything, but she is right about this and so, I learn to open my mind, but mostly my heart to possibility, to move beyond judgment to awe.
The Reason I Love Dogs
I saw two dogs today. The first was dazzling – a small terrier with ombre fur that bled from chocolate on the muzzle to Farrah Fawcett blonde on her chest. I had never seen a terrier that particular shade before, so I stopped my car to ask the woman walking her the breed. “Cairn terrier,” she answered and we chatted amiably about the little dog and her beauty before bidding goodbye.
The second was a retriever – gold and longhaired. She accompanied a woman in a pale blue sweater who held her by a lead and color with tinkling jingle bells. As the woman asked for help at the copy counter, the dog grabbed its leash and shook it, making the bells ring in a cascading chorus. I smiled and I stopped to snap a picture.
Yesterday, my uncle and grandmother came by the house and paused by the kitchen window to observe my two pugs dance across the pool cover in their daily game of tag. Soon my relatives were laughing, as the pugs almost seemed to be. Last night I fell on the floor with the same two pugs, collapsing into giggles as they kissed my face and barraged me with toys and bones and a tangle of doglegs, tails and tongues.
I think about the smiles of the men earlier this week, who took the time to check out Ghanny and his other elderly companions and cast a warm glow on our day and the faces of the passersby who seemed a little happier after reading my pug bumper stickers. Books have been written about the role of dogs in modern life – the prominence we now give them. I read an article about an author who recently wrote about the death of two family members and his dog. The death of his dog he felt acutely. When asked why this was so, he answered something to the effect that they are the only ones who truly see us as we are, all our facets.
I’m not sure about that. It may be true. It is certainly interesting to ponder. It got me considering why I love dogs and these smiles and conversations came readily to mind. My pugs, like my license plate that bears their name, elicit smiles. They start conversations. They help me connect. They bring me out of myself to seeing others.
Some people worry because those others aren’t always human, but I think its good to start small. It’s a sign of evolution of our souls when we can feel for something other than ourselves. I think of Spock in one of the original Star Trek episodes discovering that a rock-like object was actually a sentient being. By learning to acknowledge another living creature as important we learn to recognize ourselves. We begin to connect the dots and see each other.
And, my dogs get me talking – stopping cars, rolling down windows and darting from vehicles to talk to people. Without my pugs I never would have met my friend Joan. To me, my dogs are all about connection – to life, to joy, to something beyond myself. It is this connection, I believe, that is the gateway to love.